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If my life could be a painting...

It would be Dada-esque

3/3/09 01:20 pm - Moving

I've decided to move my blog here:



2/24/09 06:55 pm - 3 years

Can you believe it? This Sunday is our 3 year anniversary. How crazy is that? I can't believe it's been that long already.

In celebration we're headed up to Tremblant for a nice quiet ski vacation with his cousin and cousin's girlfriend.

After 3 years and living together, quality alone time isn't on the agenda. (just kidding, or am I?)

2/23/09 09:29 am - Bleeding Heart?

The last week was a little rough on yours truly. The return of snow left me questioning whether or not I can really commit to a lifetime in Montreal and winter. Suffice to say February and March have always been the hardest for me to weather during my time in this city. I'm starting to come to the conclusion that I may have to commit to the idea of a yearly winter escape in order to make the season bearable.

The ensuing winter blues breakdown, building over the past week, left my partner a little taken aback but has since been resolved. One thing I have to give the boy kudos for is being able to weather the storm and help rebuild in the calm. I don't know how he puts up with me in freak out mode, but he does, he even lets me purge it all out and then helps me find perspective again once all my angst has vetted itself. It may be one of the things that I love most about him.

So what does this have to do with having a bleeding heart, me, not him? Well in typical post angst freak out, I always have a surge of wanting to make the world a better place. You know, be the change you wish to see... This surge has led me to participate in the "Women for Women International" program. So now I sponsor Parbati in Nepal, donate money to Oxfam, and sponsor a woman for a year in a war torn country (yet to be determined) in order to help her rebuild her life. If you would like to know more about the program, you can visit the website:


I really think it sounds like a phenomenal program and I'm looking forward to helping another woman get access to an education program about her legal rights and help her find a livelihood for herself and her family. Now the only thing left for me to do, I think, is to find a local organization to donate my time to and I will be doing enough to feel like I'm helping make the world a better place. Locally and globally in terms of educational, environmental, and community building projects. Call me a bleeding heart if you will... this is a project that I hold very dear to my heart.

2/18/09 02:33 pm - Job offerings

Today I was contacted to find out if I was interested in teaching English as a Second Language to prison inmates and part of me is intrigued by the offer. Obviously it's not an option as I am currently over-employed. Of course, all of this just prompts to me re-contemplate the current job status and ask myself what I'd rather be doing. At this point in time, I don't have an answer to that question yet and I'm not really sure I ever will.

2/9/09 09:26 am - Being your own worst enemy...

I've been trying to simplify things in my life of late and find more time for the things that I enjoy but every time I turn around I'm going and creating more angst for myself.

For example: We booked our wedding photographer and I'm supper excited about the booking because I'm thrilled with the work of said photographer. He's edgy, artistic, playful, and fricken brilliant in terms of light and photo composition. The photos will be fun, reflect us as a couple, and be gorgeous. I couldn't be happier with the photos we are potentially going to get (knock on wood that everything works according to vision).

However, I recently realized that I hold all of my enthusiasm in check and am endeavouring to correct this as I feel that I often get misinterpreted because of it. I have had a tendency of being very let down when I get over-excited about things and have since learned to hold my enthusiasm at bay in an attempt to circumvent disappointment. The thing is, people tend to think I care less than I do because of it, or in this case, that I'm anti-wedding. I feel that people may not realize that I am excited about the wedding, despite my complaints. No, I don't believe that one needs to be married to make a commitment to someone, nor do I think that 20 000 is a reasonable amount of money to be spent on one day but I am resigned to the fact that this is the wedding I am getting and despite all that might upset me in the various details (like not getting married on the beach), I am looking forward to having all of my closest friends together, dancing, drinking and having a damn good time on our day. And the idea of that far outweighs anything else for me. Being in a room full of people who love us and care about us, that really is the moment that even now makes me want to cry (in a good way).

So what does this have to do with wedding photography?

Well here it is. In an attempt to be more forthright about my good cheer, I told our photographer that I was excited about the photos and loved his work and that he'd already had me before we met unless the meeting proved negative. Nothing wrong with that, I know. But now I'm plagued by the feelings of insecurity that come with being so honest. I'm sure that my enthusiasm was quite muted in the grand scale of things but I have actually had sleepness nights full of angst over something so simple. It's stupid but opening up and sharing my wedding enthusiasm (in this and other areas) is filling me with anxiety. A simple conversation with the boy's parents left me sleepless last night. I don't like wearing my heart on my sleeve. I'll argue, denounce, and complain but sharing is proving to be my biggest challenge in all of this. Who knew?


2/3/09 07:30 am - Tuesday Morning Musings

Each semester the staff at my job shares late shift duties in order to keep the centre open for students until 6pm M-Th. This semester my late shift falls on a Tues. There is something nice about starting my day at 10 instead of 8:30. I get up at the same time, but I have more time to relax, read the news, and various other things. Added bonus: I'm not required to commute during rush hour traffic! Sometimes I wish that all of my days started at 10.

Various going ons in my world:

We meet with the photographers tomorrow night! Woo hoo! I'm really excited about this. As the boy has pointed out, photography is to me what the band issue was to him. Thus I'm being accorded complete veto power over the photography choice. Sweet!

I had a lovely cupcake sampling the other day and have chosen my cupcake flavours. One more wedding thing checked off the list. Thanks V.

I'm contemplating buying a car this spring. I know it's not environmental but for those of you versed in my public transportation woes, you'll understand I'm sure! I've figured out what I can be approved for loan wise and come the end of the deep freeze, I'll start looking to see what small used car could be mine!

In order to better manage my money, I cut up one of my 2 credit cards yesterday. The one with the bigger limit and the higher interest rate. When I was teaching ESL and living on my own I was relying on my cards too much, so it's a relief to finally close up one of the accounts and keep things simple. Yay! More money for clothes! (Just kidding)

In other news, I found a new blog (it's about India) that I'm watching:


There was an interesting article about taking the train, reading books, and plagiarized "Indian copies" of popular novels. One of the train station booksellers was saying that people don't really buy books for the long train rides anymore because they use their cell phones to keep entertained. Even with games on my cell, I can't imagine passing 23 hours (+ because of Indian trains always being late) without a book to keep my entertained. I can only play solitaire so long and call so many people. What and who are we becoming in the technological age if we'd rather play on our cell phone than read a good (and insanely cheap copy of a) book?

1/30/09 02:52 pm - Photographer

I'm in love with this photographer:


We go meet him on Wed. I hope he's the one!

1/29/09 06:15 am - The State of Stuff

Life feels exceedingly busy lately. January has just flown by. It's practically February and I don't know where the month went.

Work is getting busier and I have acquired a new project related to diversity issues/promotion at the college (on top of my regular "dossier" of work). I'm going to be developing a diversity training program for our volunteers and students. Once that's done, I'll be organizing a mini conference about dealing with issues surrounding diversity in the college/classroom for teachers and college staff. I'm excited about the new project. It'll keep me busy and it's something that I enjoy learning about. Woo hoo.

I just heard that Ignatieff is going to support the Harper budget. I'm not sure if I'm relieved or really, really upset. I'm not sure what I think about the budget proposal. I'm going to have to wait and see how it gets altered and read more about the pros and cons on the matter. Financial issues are not my forte so I'm unsure of my opinion on the matter. As for Harper maintaining power, it's early, I'm not going to touch the issue.

In terms of wedding issues I think Paul and I have settled on a band, we're just working out final details. We start meeting photographers on Friday. Next Wed we have 2 appointments and I have to admit that I'm smitten with the photos of the 2nd photographer. I really hope that his photos/package will be the right fit for us because the pictures are fresh, fun and I think would represent the boy and I best in terms of our personalities.

Oh, aside for V: Obama is coming to Canada Feb 18th (not sure where though, they said it was business, so probably Ottawa?).

Otherwise there's not much more to report: I'm nursing a rather intense dental drilling operation that's left the right side of my mouth quite tender, helping a friend move on Sat, starting to teach again tonight, and curious about events happening on Sunday.

1/23/09 08:27 am - Commuting

Few things in my life incite such stark extremes in emotions for me as my daily metro ride. From outright wrathful antagonism to zen like tranquility, my commute to work and home again can be enough to make or break my day.

Take for example this morning. The sheer self-entitlement of one person hogging the pole that everyone hangs on to was enough to make me want to kick, bite, and yell at the man in question. Yes, I said bite. I was furious. I know better, and I count to 10, I breathe, I try to relax but to no avail. The fact that I'm left with my arm raised above my head just to get 4 inches of the damn pole while one man lays claim to 4 feet of pole by leaning on it just pissed me of. Even more so considering I had been reading, with my hand there when he proceeded to lean on my fingers. WTF!

Then, to make my mood even pissier, another man shoved past me in order to get a seat when it became available at the Berri UQAM exchange. Ok seriosly, I'd been on the metro for 20 mins by then, he gotten on 2 stops earlier and he couldn't have at least waited for everyone to get off before pushing me out of the way? Ok, he didn't shove, but he did push me. FUCK, fuck, fuck. I hate my commute. I get to work bad tempered and I arrive home pissy.

There are days when I get a seat and can observe the people with zen tranquility or read for the hour it takes to get to work but as the semester gears up and more students are on the metro again, there will be fewer seated contemplation days and more irrate travels. I just don't understand why it is so hard to have a modicum of awareness of the people around you and realize that since this is a shared place it would make everyone's life more pleasant if you could just be polite. Some days commuting on the metro feels like I'm travelling with a bad American tourist stereotype.

1/22/09 04:23 pm - gluten free cupcake

Just so I don't forget for future reference.


worth a try one day.
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